Emotional Intelligence in Youth Work in the Times of Corona (II)

As we saw in our last article, in the field of youth work developing emotional intelligence is critical not only for our own benefit, but it is key to effectively support the youth with whom we work. In this article we will go through another set of effective tools connected to the emotional intelligence domains:

SELF MANAGEMENT

Your ability to take control over your impulses and emotional reactions.

According to George Kohlriese, professor of Leadership and Organizational Behavior at the International Institute for Management Development (IMD) in Switzerland, the number one characteristic that distinguishes the best leaders is their ability to stay balanced: “We did research with over 1,000 executives from around the world, CEOs, Board members, top leaders, about the characteristics of the best leaders. The number one response is the ability to stay calm and collected. In a crisis, being able to manage your own emotions and stay calm, be able to create this island of security and not spread your tension around.” (2016).

This is certainly no easy feat during a global pandemic and the various emotions it brings. However, our emotions are contagious. Therefore, as leaders it is critical to be aware of which emotions we bring and spread to our colleagues and youth groups.

In her book, Emotional Agility, Dr. Susan David, emphasizes 4 key steps to creating emotional strength and adaptiveness to change: showing up, stepping out, walking your why, and moving on (2016).

1. Showing Up:
   One of the easiest ways to keep yourself in a miserable loop of unpleasant emotions is by guilting/shaming yourself that you “shouldn’t” feel a certain way. Tough emotions are on the other side of the coin of joy and optimism. You can’t have one side without the other. Instead, it’s best to sit with the discomfort. Own it, be present, face your thoughts and feelings with curiosity and acceptance. Only in that way can you eventually ask yourself “why are you feeling a certain way?” and what information can it bring to you to support you in moving through it, and releasing yourself from the vicious cycle?
   
   

   

2. Stepping Out:
   Create space and detachment from your emotions and inner thoughts (like being mindful of the language you use, which we spoke about earlier). As psychologist and Holocaust survivor Victor Frankl wrote, “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom” (1984).

   Mindfulness exercises and Box breathing can help create that space and distance between our thoughts and our unfiltered reactions. They provide us with time to deliver responses, which is a reaction with thought and intention.

   Essentially, you inhale for 4 seconds, hold it in for 4 seconds, exhale for 4 seconds, and hold it out for 4 seconds. While it seems like an extremely basic tool, it is actually used by the United States Army Seals to destress in their most challenging obstacles. (2019).

3. Walking Your Why:
   Our values are at the core of who we are. If we can outline clearly what our values are, and define them, we can leverage them to be the driving force out of our unpleasant emotions. For example, we can ask ourselves, “How are my current actions reflecting my top values?”, “What can I do differently right now to live into my values?”

   This pandemic gives us valuable time to reflect on how we are spending our time, and if it is aligned with our core values. As these are unprecedented times, there is no doubt Coronavirus will be written about in history books. In the future, when you look back at this period of your life (maybe you’re telling your children or grandchildren about this period), what is it you want to say about who it is you’ve been during this time? How can you leverage that to drive your actions now?

4. Moving On:
   The fourth step of Emotional Agility is moving on, which involves making small, deliberate, adjustments to your mindset, motivation, and habits to align them with your core values.
   
   

   
   

   There are a variety of ways to do this, but I’m particularly a fan of simple reframing techniques – saying “I choose to… instead of I have to…” can change our whole outlook and how we develop habits that reconnect with our values.

   As youth workers and NGO managers, we have to first manage and move through our own emotional obstacles before we can empower others to do the same.

   It’s a similar concept to when you fly on an airplane and the flight attendant instructs you to “put your oxygen mask on first,” before helping children; if you run out of oxygen yourself, you can’t help anyone else with their masks. Our own emotional health is quite similar, so be sure to take the time you need to focus on yourself – it will actually allow you to help others more effectively.